im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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