Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
