... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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