I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
