I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
