i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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