my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
