True but thats because hes a fetus.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
