She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize