Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
