gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
