Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
