I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
