i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
