I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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