Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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