I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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