I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
