I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
