girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
