hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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