I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
