Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
