i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
