i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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