ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
