Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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