Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
