Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize