I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
