Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
