I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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