They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
