I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize