If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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