it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
