Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
