Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
