think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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