he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
