Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
