Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
