I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
