is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize