I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
