no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
