I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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