can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
