I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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