Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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