you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
