I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
