Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
