i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
