I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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