Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
