the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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