he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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