I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
