Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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