A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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