I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
