dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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