I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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