Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
