Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
