Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
