I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
