Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
