I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
