Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
